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CES 2009: Best. Controller. Ever.

by Ross Miller { Jan 12th 2009 at 8:05PM }

"Before the age of man, there was the dragon,fire breathing, fierce and ruthless. Long since dormant, the dragon arose hungry for modern dap knights to re-establish dragon superiority over all mankind.

"More than a control pad,,,a legend!"

<disclaimer> The previous and following (after the break!) text was copied verbatim -- odd spacing and all -- from the back description and product manual of the Dragon Fire Breather game controller, which we and our friends at Engadget found and bought for $1 at the CES international hall. We are not transcribing this to try to offend anyone and, yeah, we know this is probably not the manufacturers' first language -- probably not its language at all -- but we are in fact very fascinated with how the translation process works.

Every chosen word does make sense, just not in the context we are used to. Plus, "mucilanginous" is a very funny word, and if you look carefully, you'll notice World of Warcraft's title screen art.

The official US name is "USB Dragon Dual Shock Scary Gamepad" (with 12-button and 2 analog sticks) and is available from DealExtreme for $27.37. It also comes in ninja and pirate variants. </end disclaimer>

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A lesson on how to diminish the glory of dragons

by Phil Larsen { Jul 21st 2008 at 2:45PM }

If you had a dragon, what would you do? The most amazing creature in existence in under your control, so you'll surely embark on epic adventures across the world, right? You wouldn't make it ... fly through rings, would you?

Apparently, that's the extent of Codemasters' creative efforts thus far on the upcoming Dragonology for the Wii. Based on the popular books chronicling and categorizing everything to do with the mystical world of dragons, Dragonology will let you create a character, hit the skies and undertake many ring-flying, egg-collecting and photo-taking adventures.

The above screen requests the player to fly through a set of rings "more challenging than the first," which implies more than one ring-flying course. Which is more than one too many. You can check out more screens from a promising IP here, but the end results is looking a bit flat already. It's just that .. ring games are usually lousy, sometimes average. Never superb.

What is wrong with the world today?

by Eric Caoili { Jan 14th 2008 at 10:00PM }

Does this count as a furry pinup? Is "fur" a requirement for these sort of dealings? And if you're the kind of person who is really into dragons, wouldn't these anthropomorphised features (e.g. blonde hair, humanoid limbs, and dragon breasts all up in your grill) turn you off?

Apparently not! Upon seeing the above piece, deviantART member RajginKisaragi commented, "Very beautiful job! I'm glad to be a dragon looking at this ... *Boing*" There you have it, straight from the dragon's maw! A real-life dragon, at that!

Natasha "Dark Natasha" Mleynek painted the lid of this Black GBA SP back in 2004 for a friend. While the subject doesn't fit our tastes in either women or dragons, we recognize that Natasha is very skilled in her craft; there are few, if any, technical flaws with this customization. Believe us, she could have done a lot worse. Also, she added a layer of clear coat paint to protect her artwork from any man-handling.

See also: Orcs & Elves & a John Carmack autograph

'Amazing, exciting, fantastic and training body reaction'

by JC Fletcher { Jan 1st 2008 at 1:00PM }

This '8 in 1' set of Wiimote attachments from the beloved Dragon Electronics has so many weapons. There's an axe, a pistol, a scimitar, a sword, two daggers, and even a shield. Wait, that's seven things (and the shield isn't really a weapon, so it doesn't fit in our classification system.) Apparently, the gun comes in two pieces, each comprising one of the "8 in 1." They couldn't call it "7 in 1?" Dragon's ability to sell useless remote adornments is that contingent on there being eight of them in the package? We'd think the awesome rusty finish on the swords, shield, and axe would be enough of a draw.

In addition to the quote used in the title, the box declares its contents " Physical exercise ideal Wii accessories product and good for health," while assuring prospective buyers that there is "no hazaro." If it's both ideal and free from hazaro, we see no reason not to buy this!

We were going to make a joke about playing Golden Axe with the axe attachment, but we remembered that the Wiimote is terrible for the Genesis games with which it is functional, meaning that in all likelihood you'd have the axe sitting on your lap as you played. And that would be ridiculous.

[Update: corrected the bit about Wiimote incompatibility.]
[Via Aeropause]

Another day, another crazy Wii peripheral

by Candace Savino { Nov 7th 2007 at 10:30PM }

The next in a line of worthless Wii peripherals is this Fishing Rod Advance from Dragon Electronics, to use for games such as Fishing Master and Rapala Tournament Fishing ... oh, and we guess there's also that short fishing bit in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Yet, as our own JC Fletcher suggested, you'd probably just be better off using this to make your cat go insane. Sure, this will only set you back $9.95, but we bet you could probably spend those ten dollars better somewhere else.

We have to wonder -- do they keep making these ridiculous peripherals because people keep on buying them? Here's a chance to cleanse your soul and fess up, folks!

[Via Technabob]

Wii Warm Up: Standard issue

by JC Fletcher { Nov 1st 2007 at 9:00AM }

The Zapper is nothing more than a big handle for your Wiimote and Nunchuk. It's about as inert as a game accessory can get. There's no circuitry, no wiring, and no real technology of any kind. It's just a thing that you hold, that itself holds things.

Which means that, unlike more sensitive items like GameCube controllers or memory cards, there's no real harm in eschewing the Nintendo-branded shell for a different option. Would you even consider a third-party gun shell? Or is Nintendo loyalty and fear of product failure locking you into a first-party purchase? For the purpose of discussion, let's pretend that Link's Crossbow Training isn't a factor. We're actually considering a nonstandard Zapper ourselves, because we're nonplussed by Nintendo's design, and we think we'd enjoy the lulz provided by one of the more out-there gun shells. Not to mention the fact that some of them have features the Zapper lacks, like extra vibration (nice!), or ... a laser sight.

Sparkling Vibration Gun Controller makes your 'pew pews' feel like 'pow pows'

by Eric Caoili { Oct 29th 2007 at 7:00PM }

Third-party accessory manufacturers have been rushing out their Zapper-esque controller shells as fast as they can manage, hoping to cash in before Nintendo's official product dominates the market. This newest variation to the light gun lineup, Dragon's Sparkling Vibration Gun Controller, claims to add some extra kick to your shots with its "mega vibration."

Requiring only $9.95 and a pair of AAA batteries, it sounds like a good deal, but is anyone actually looking for more rumble with their Wii games? And what's with listing "Exciting" and "Fantastic" on the packaging's bulleted list of features? Those aren't features! Who are they to state whether the peripheral is exciting or fantastic? We'll be the judge of that!

Try not to drop your convulsing pistol during the gunfight, and take cover past the post break for more photos of the shell's "cyber-looking design" (another exaggeration).

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It's the year of the ... Game Boy Advance SP?

by JC Fletcher { Oct 22nd 2007 at 9:50AM }

Nintendo's Chinese operation, iQue, has released some very cool Game Boy Advance SP systems that may make you rethink your need for an SP and your impression of the Chinese gaming market, where you can apparently get very cool systems that aren't hilarious knockoffs.

While it's possible these are old, we have a suspicion that the Year of the Dog system is recent as of this year, at least. There's also a two-tone Mario edition, and a very cool dragon system that uses the black/red case design from the Boktai GBA. Some of these are available online at amazingly high prices, so we're stuck playing games on our stupid DS Lites.

[Via Siliconera]

Wii Projector does not inspire confidence

by JC Fletcher { Sep 27th 2007 at 12:45PM }

Okay, we'll start with the good news: this projector, while compatible with everything with an A/V out, was designed with the Wii in mind. It even includes a Wii composite cable in the package. And it's white, which is the universal sign of "this thing is made for the ~~iPod~~ Wii"

The bad news (which sounds like good news at first): this projector is cheap. We appreciate it when things are inexpensive, but $170 is suspiciously cheap for a projector. Even one that doesn't display in HD. Of course, we aren't sure we'd trust sensitive equipment like this from the same company that brought us the dashboard sensor bar stand at any price.

According to the website, it displays in a resolution of 960*234, which is definitely a mistake of some kind. We hope it's a mistake in the product description and not in the product design. Check after the break for a screenshot from Ghost Squad, resized to 960*234. We didn't use a widescreen game for this exercise, but at a vertical resolution of 234 pixels, it wouldn't be much better.

[Via MaxConsole]

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DS releases for the week of August 6th

by Alisha Karabinus { Aug 6th 2007 at 2:00PM }

Want a little Mega Man in your life? We sure hope so if you're looking for a new game this week, because it seems that's what there is. And perhaps Pet Alien, which didn't seem to make it out last week.

Mega Man Star Force Dragon
Mega Man Star Force Leo
Mega Man Star Force Pegasus
Pet Alien

To see what's coming out in the rest of the world this week, take a stroll past the break.

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DS Dragon's Lair makes a Daring choice

by JC Fletcher { Jun 27th 2007 at 10:40AM }

The laserdisc classic Dragon's Lair is back again, after appearances on basically every system ever built, either in its original form (PC, Sega CD, DVD, Blu-Ray, Game Boy Color) or in some kind of terrible adaptation (NES, SNES, PS2). This time, Digital Leisure is releasing it in more or less original form on the DS, with some ... interesting options.

Of particular interest is the ability to control the game via touch screen. We imagine this will involve tapping the appropriate side of the screen. There are also optional move indicators, voice control (?), rumble support, and multiple difficulty settings.

And then there's the big feature. You can choose to play the game on one screen, or stretched across both. This allows Dragon's Lair to benefit from the advanced view obstruction technology not available in the arcade version.

[Via NeoGAF]

A road map of Itadaki Street

by JC Fletcher { Jun 26th 2007 at 2:10PM }

Having never come out in the US, the Itadaki Street franchise is somewhat of a mystery. But the series has been thrust into our attention with its entry on the DS and the included Mario and Dragon Quest characters. We know we like the characters, and we are vaguely aware of a board game of some kind, but how exactly does the game play?

Siliconera, who previously helped us identify all the Dragon Quest folks, has a piece up now about the game that's half review, half tutorial. It's an excellent resource for the Itadaki curious, and should help you in your soul-searching about whether or not you're interested in a Japanese board game about property.

A budget remote cradle that doesn't suck

by Eric Caoili { Jun 20th 2007 at 12:00PM }

We've had some laughs over Dragon Electronics' ill-conceived accessories in the past, but the Chinese manufacturer really seemed to hit all the right notes with its latest charging dock. Taking more into account than just bundling battery covers and rechargeable AAA batteries, the cradle has every feature we're looking for in a budget solution -- USB adapter, unobtrusive design, room to charge two controllers simultaneously, and LED status indicators.

Play-Asia has the charging station listed for $14.90 ($6.70 s/h), while eBay auctions have it priced a few dollars higher. To compare, Nyko's dock sells for about $30. Check past the post break for the full fact sheet.

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Guide to Itadaki Street characters

by JC Fletcher { Jun 8th 2007 at 11:00AM }

Confession time! We haven't played a Dragon Quest game since the first one. And that was in the ancient times-- we were basically playing it on an oscilloscope. As such, we don't know any of the characters besides slimes (who could forget slimes?).

If you're like us (old and anachronistic), you might need a lesson on who all these adorable Dragon Quest characters are in Itadaki Street. That is exactly what Siliconera has done, because we asked for it just now. Oh, there we go with the anachronism again.

Finally, we know the names and origins of Guy Who Looks Kinda Like Dante and Spikey-Haired Guy. Now we're ready for the US version of the game, which will probably never exist.

Kanji Dragon blows through Akihabara

by Eric Caoili { Jun 4th 2007 at 7:00PM }

Sunday came and went, taking with it our hopes of ever meeting Kanji Dragon's martial artist. The kung-fu character posed for a few shots at Success Corp's Akihabara event over the weekend, hyping the kanji-training action title. Just looking at the photos and all the fun we missed out on feels like getting crane-kicked right in the heart.

Though we didn't get to attend the soiree, it certainly wasn't from lack of trying. We stuffed our Pokemon backpacks with dozens of DS and GBA games, our favorite G.I. Joes, and a plastic baggie loaded with Pringles (these were crushed into little flaky bits before we even zipped our Squirtle bags shut) before heading out to hitchhike a ride to Japan, but we didn't even make it past two blocks before the police picked us up and drove us home. Our parents were pissed.

Hissatsu Kung Fu: Kanji Dragon DVDs containing all of the game's promotional videos, including an unreleased action clip, were passed out to attendees. Peek past the post break for another exciting image from the event and a look at the multicolored shirts that were given to those who preordered the title. You might also see us hugging our knees in the corner, sniffling and trying to pretend like we just didn't spend all afternoon crying.