Joystiq [Nintendo]

Abductee

Job experience: Mario Is Missing! (NES, 1993), Luigi's Mansion (GC, 2001), Super Princess Peach (DS, 2005)

This one isn't so much a profession, but the point is that Mario has not always been on the rescuing end. Despite Bowser's cryptic ransom note seen in this ad, complete with misshapen magazine clippings, it would seem that Mario was never in any dire circumstances in Mario Is Missing!. In fact, he looks fairly comfortable for having been kidnapped, and even managed to flash his customary peace sign in this 'Help Me' mugshot. It's plausible, too, he was trying to signal to somebody that "there are two of them," but who really knows. Anyone who plans on playing the game in this advertisement had better be thoroughly compelled to save him, because the road is paved with sterile lessons in geography. Have fun with that.

Alternately, you could try saving Mario as the princess in Super Princess Peach if you feel like lashing out with impassioned abilities like crying and burning with rage. Evidently, it wouldn't have been enough to jump on a few platforms or stomp some goombas; Peach had to wig out and irritate sound-minded women everywhere.

09/07/08