Joystiq [Nintendo]

We know Nintendo is about bringing people of all ages, shapes and sizes together to enjoy a quick round of screen-touching. Everyone feels great, Nintendo rakes in the cash and hardcore gamers are getting plenty of recognition. Embrace diversity with Nintendo.

And yet ... it's still pretty funny watching non-gamers try their hand at even the simplest casual games and screw up royally. Sure, kindly old Grandpa and naive little sister are exactly the kind of people the DS attracts, but do you still feel slight twinges of amusement when they have trouble completing the most basic of tasks? We love the whole worldwide DS craze and all, but are the hardcore among us (that is, the hardcore that got so upset over a two-hour presentation) chortling silently, basking in gaming omnipotence when it comes to touchscreen prowess? Share your amusing anecdotes with the rest of us!

The chaps at GamesRadar have compiled a list of the most annoying female game characters of all time. It's a standard "Top Whatever" ranking, with seven (not six, not eight?) entries. For the most part, it seems to accurately summarize the worst characters in a few non-Nintendo games, but we're a bit shocked at number one.

Navi, everyone's favorite helpful fairy from Ocarina of Time is deemed as the most annoying. The reasoning behind this is simple -- LISTEN! HEY! HEY! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN! HEY! ... sound familiar? Sure, but was it really that bad? Some might call Navi's sweet little voice a siren song, other might want to smack the little insect with a giant flyswatter. What's your take on the pint-size companion?

There is no better way to celebrate your healthy and happy Wii Fit lifestyle than by embracing the power of a mind-altering drug. To cover up your dirty old Balance Board, AMR Racing (creators of the Hoochie Mama) has created a marijuana print, lovingly entitled Weed White.

This isn't exactly the message Nintendo would want to send to the children of the world, but to all the Wii Fit moms out there? Smoking a joint might be totally fair game. You can pick up this cover from Amazon for around $20, which includes a bonus Wiimote skin. Might want to grab a bag of Doritos while you're at it.


[Via Balance Board Blog]

Sure, it may be the most neglected continent in the history of video games, but those crazy Australians are going positively mental for Nintendo all the same. According to industry tracker Gfk, the Wii has just passed the 500,000 mark down under, making it the fastest-selling console in history. Well, Australia's history. Does that still count as cool?

The Wii achieved this monumental feat (remember, there's only 20 million people in Australia) in just 84 weeks since launch in December 2006. On top of the "hey, we're awesome!" announcement, a few new release dates for some hot Wii games have been revealed. Wario Land: The Shake Dimension will be hitting consoles on September 25th, and Trauma Center: Second Opinion (yes, that neglected) is coming out August 28th.

Our prayers after a vacant E3 have been answered. After complaining like little kids that we have no video for Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood, a hefty sack of media has dropped by, showing off gameplay in several different areas of the upcoming RPG. The above portion is titled Green Hill, and it seems like the kind of happy chappy level present early on in most Sonic games.

Hit the break for four more videos, showcasing new levels and a few extra characters. Comments thus far? The environments look excellent, with the subtle painted style complementing the 3D character models very nicely. The lack of action in these clips is a little disappointing, but we know there will be plenty of that, what with it being a turn-based RPG and all. Quietly confident in this one.

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With Chinatown Wars on the way to the DS real soon, it's abundantly clear that Nintendo has no qualms about releasing a Grand Theft Auto game on their hardware. The next question is obvious: will we see GTA on the Wii? Speaking to MTV, Reggie had an answer for that -- maybe. Lay it out straight for us, home boy.

The fact is, it's not really in Nintendo's "power" to simply rock up and demand Take Two and Rockstar get working on waggling with hookers. Reggie simply said a Wii installment "is all based on what Rockstar and Take Two want to do." If they want to go ahead with it, Reggie won;t have a problem, saying "if they build a bottoms-up game that takes advantage of what we do well, I'd love to see it on the platform."

We would love to see it on the platform too. Please?

Simon Jeffrey, known around some parts as the President of Sega, is either very smart or ... not. It's a fairly simple story here -- he casually mentioned Resident Evil 5 in an interview about MadWorld, saying "when that [Resident Evil 5] happens on the Wii, it'll help," referring to attracting more hardcore gamers to the platform.

Later, he referred to the comment as a "slip of the tongue," but that doesn't mean it's not true. If it wasn't true, he would say "mistake". We're not going to hoist the confirmed flag or anything (as some have been awfully quick to do so), but a guy so high up in the industry couldn't possibly pull this rumor out of thin air on the spot, right? We'll keep you updated, so any RE5 hopefuls should stay tuned!

[Via Infendo]

The Castlevania series has found a great home on the DS, and despite the fact that it's side-scrolling action in every game as usual, there's usually some kind of twist to spice up the action. The new trailer for Order of Ecclesia shows exactly that, as Shanoa the vampire slayer uses a grappling hook to shoot around the level and reach unreachable areas.

Every fan of the series should be on an ultimate high for the game's imminent release in Q3 this year. Why, the fast slingshot action almost makes up for sluggish gameplay and boring combat, evident in all Castlevania games. We love Castlevania here at DS Fanboy. It looks great!

While the first Wii media for the upcoming Sam and Max: Season One wasn't particularly enlightening, it was pretty funny -- a staple of the S&M (wow, bet Telltale didn't think that one through) series. That has all changed with the latest trailer, as the titular characters give us a sneak peek at their entire adventure catalogue.

Many gamers may have missed out on the comedy duo's episodic capers during its run on the PC, so the chance to pick up the entire first season on the adventure-capable Wii is a no-brainer. You'll find noir-style music, wisecrackin' rats and beating up old people in the promising video, so there's no reason it won't be totally awesome. Look out for Reality 2.0 in Q3 2008.

The unsourced rumor of a 2008 European Metal Slug 7 release date must be acknowledged. It turns out that Europeans will not only get Metal Slug 7 in 2008, but they will also get it pretty much the same time as everywhere else. A press release has come through and announced an "Autumn 2008" release. Yes, that means Fall -- Autumn is for those lame Europeans and non-lame Australians.

To accompany this timely news, five new screens of the kill-o-rama have been updated in our gallery. With seven brand new missions six playable characters and apparently the biggest SLUG vehicle ever, this is exactly what hardcore Metal Slug fans need.


[Via press release]

We promised an update, so here we are! That oft-discussed Nintendo Power cover did contain some righteous screens of Sonic and the Black Knight within its papery (Remember paper? The stuff you learned stuff from before the internet?) depths, and we commandeered the above shot for your viewing pleasure.

This new Sonic adventure takes the series in a new direction which, as evidenced by fans continuously lamenting the destruction of the franchise, is sorely needed. The initial reaction hasn't been positive, as fans don't expect this game to be some kind of salvation. Some gameplay details have been revealed, including multiple characters (namely Shadow and Knuckles), different sword maneuvers, and a system which earns knighthood points depending on your good or bad actions during levels. Oh, and his sword is named Calibur, and it talks.

Well, we all wanted Sonic to go really fast, and that turned out to be a big bust, so what now? Do you feel like a passenger on a train bound for Shovelware City? Check out the rest of the scans at Gamekyo and have your say.

If you had a dragon, what would you do? The most amazing creature in existence in under your control, so you'll surely embark on epic adventures across the world, right? You wouldn't make it ... fly through rings, would you?

Apparently, that's the extent of Codemasters' creative efforts thus far on the upcoming Dragonology for the Wii. Based on the popular books chronicling and categorizing everything to do with the mystical world of dragons, Dragonology will let you create a character, hit the skies and undertake many ring-flying, egg-collecting and photo-taking adventures.

The above screen requests the player to fly through a set of rings "more challenging than the first," which implies more than one ring-flying course. Which is more than one too many. You can check out more screens from a promising IP here, but the end results is looking a bit flat already. It's just that .. ring games are usually lousy, sometimes average. Never superb.

Well, we heard the news not too long ago. Cooking Mama: World Kitchen is getting down to serious business, with updated 3D graphics and sophisticated moton controls. Hooray, huzzah -- too often have we wished the Wiimote to be a spatula for flipping burgers. Why enjoy the sight, smell and taste of cooking real burgers when you can do it without all those sensory annoyances?

Yes, it's always fun to laugh at "life" simulation games (even if this life is a cartoon featuring big-head Mamas and cooking scores). The real truth, though, is that Cooking Mama games are usually pretty fun, and the fresh new gallery shows a pretty decent look at the upcoming Wii installment. Bon appetit!

[Via press release]

Everyone loves the Wii Forecast Channel. It's funny, because the most entertaining thing to do is spin the world really fast, randomly stop on a location and promise yourself that you will travel there. After that, you realize that you are dirt poor, you can't travel overseas because of those threatening references you made to the UN, and all your assets have been seized by the state. Sure, you did have that promising career in waste management lined up, but it's too late to do anything about that now!

... Ahem. So, there's a globe thing coming to the DS now. It's not an instant-weather application or anything, but rather a detailed map of various worldy data. In Earth mode, you can check out specific information for each country, including climate, population and economic details. In History mode, you can touch a region to learn about how it has evolved over time -- evidently dating back to 3100BC.
Finally, the Card mode lets you collect approximately 500 cards which have various puzzles and questions to answer. Obviously, the whole thing is in Japanese, but localization wouldn't be too much of a stretch considering the wealth of "edutainment" titles we see on the DS these days.

After that sexy Nintendo Power cover (check it out again after the break) and a pretty legit-sounding scenario, Sonic and the Black Knight is now confirmed as a Wii-exclusive title. Some guy on the official SEGA message boards "confirmed" it was real, but offered no details beyond waiting for the official page on sega.com. So, like the genius detectives we are, a short investigation of the official page turned up this information.

The game takes place in a "storybook world of Arthurian legend," with Sonic wielding a sword to do battle with various ne'er-do-wells in medieval times. Not much else is explained beyond that, but we'll keep you posted on any updates to the official page. Stick around and Sonic will thank you.

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