Joystiq [Nintendo]

And the first new game to be marched onto the stage at the Leipzig Games Convention is Mario Strikers Charged, a Wii sequel to Mario's Gamecube exercise in frantic ball kicking. Eurogamer reports that the game is visually similar to the previous entry, but that it now sports special moves for the Wiimote. You can seemingly hold the Wii controller up to block incoming shots with your hands, though more enterprising players will surely have a lot more fun (and awkward injuries) strapping the wiimote to a foot and going ballistic.

Battalion Wars 2 -- as in BWii -- was also announced and is expected to be playable on the show floor. No new information on it yet, but rest assured that we'll keep you updated. That being the opposite of what Nintendo has done regarding Wii launch information, of course. Many expected their "Wii Prove Our Promise" keynote to toss a stick of dynamite into the Wii rumor mil and blow the constant launch date hearsay and price pontification to unrecognizable smithereens, but Nintendo has deemed it necessary to keep people in the dark for a little bit longer. We'll get you for this, Iwata.

[Update: One other minor announcement: Europe gets the gloriously pink DS Lite on October 27th.]

[Update: There's some video footage now up of the game. Check it out here and after the break.]

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Though we may frequently appear to be aloof, apathetic or altogether addicted to awe-inspiring alliteration, the Joystiq crew is actually attentively attuned to the needs of its readers and commenters. We know what you want, and what you want is what we know -- that is to say, we'll teach you how to make an official Joystiq Japanese sales chart post in the comfort of your very own home!

Step 1: Create a terrible introductory paragraph

The introductory paragraph helps ease the reader into the wealth of information provided by one of these posts. It functions like a soft mattress placed in-between the reader and the pit of rusty nails that is the weekly onslaught of numbers. Make sure that the introductory paragraph is self-referential, wildly incoherent and not even remotely related to the actual sales numbers. You may introduce a second paragraph if you feel the mattress needs to be thicker, though it's recommended that you implement a silly allegory to maintain interest and "humor."

A third paragraph, however, is most certainly not recommended. It will only serve to anger those that are eager to reach the actual information.

Step 2: Insert the sales information obtained from Media Create:

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 163,572 13,281 (7.51%)
- PSP: 49,352 6,748 (15.84%)
- PS2: 25,987 464 (1.75%)
- GBA SP: 2,784 555 (24.90%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,928 162 (9.17%)
- Xbox 360: 1,389 857 (38.16%)
- DS Phat: 1,159 371 (24.25%)
- Gamecube: 904 135 (12.99%)
- GBA: 34 25 (277.77%)
- Xbox: 14 3 (27.27%)

Step 3: Create a final paragraph (must be worse than introductory paragraph)

In your final paragraph, you may opt to analyze the week's sales trends (the Xbox is always a hilarious topic), possibly referring to coinciding NPD reports or pointing out how the DS Lite outsells everything, in the universe, ever. Alternatively, you may use it as a denouement to any running jokes you regrettably started in Step 1.

[Source: Media Create]

Just as several wily commenters predicted last week, the original Xbox suddenly (and quite mysteriously) experiences a sales increase over its impressive tally of zero this week. The resulting percentage rise is so incredibly gargantuan and intimidating that it simply cannot be comprehended by the human mind, at least not without the aid of divine omnipotence or persistant alcohol poisoning. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 176,853 85,600 (32.62%)
- PSP: 42,604 6,666 (18.55%)
- PS2: 26,451 4,163 (18.68%)
- Xbox 360: 2,246 774 (52.58%)
- GBA SP: 2,229 724 (24.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,766 356 (25.25%)
- DS Phat: 1,530 4,814 (75.88%)
- Gamecube: 1,039 37 (3.44%)
- Xbox: 11 11 (infinite)
- GBA: 9 11 (55.00%)

Other points of interest this week include the Xbox 360's flirtation with the fourth position in the charts (and the huge gap between it and the PS2), the DS Phat's return to unpopular status and the vaguely demonic number of new PSP owners.

[Source: Media Create]

The most interesting parts of this week's chart reside at the very top and at the very bottom, much like a decapitated body with Lamborghinis for feet. Nintendo's magical, dual-screened device continues to dominate Japan, raking in the cash like a pickpocket with eight magnetic arms. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 262,453 121,595 (86.32%)
- PSP: 35,938 655 (1.86%)
- PS2: 22,288 1,639 (6.85%)
- DS Phat: 6,344 5,477 (46.33%)
- GBA SP: 2,953 334 (12.75%)
- Xbox 360: 1,472 367 (33.21%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,410 171 (10.82%)
- Gamecube: 1,076 148 (15.95%)
- GBA: 20 8 (28.57%)
- Xbox: 0 10 (100.00%)

It's as clear as Daniel Day-Lewis' acting ability -- while the DS Lite enjoys brisk sales that trump the rest of the chart combined more than three times over, the Xbox finally languishes in the lowest point possible. Its performance in this part of the world may not have been entirely deserved, but it still turned out to be more embarassing than a discus-throwing competition where each disc has been replaced by a custard pie.

(Worst. Comparisons. Ever.)

[Source: Media Create]

In this episode of Attack of the Show, the intrepid G4TV crew tackles that touchy issue of exploding (slight exaggeration) DS Lite hinges. Perhaps unsurprisingly, they handle the topic with all the finesse and class of a walrus falling out a hot air balloon. In fact, the video of an actual walrus plummeting towards the earth would likely hold more value than a guy smashing a DS Lite. Lowest common denominator, here we come.

Note: Nintendo has since pledged to repair the affected DS Lites for free.

[Thanks Kevin!]

1UP's Jeremy Parish was kind enough to post the above picture on his blog, reminding us all that the lifetime of a particularly stinging internet meme is likely to extend beyond that of a mere mortal. The depicted DS game is Contact, an Earthbound-ish RPG from Atlus, one of the few developers that can don the "quirky" tag with pride even as they bounce around a drunken cosplay party. Our first instinct was to question Tomm Hulett, the man in charge of the game's localization, regarding the whereabouts of his elbow in relation to Sony's battered ribs.

"I'll be honest, I can't really speak for the Professor. He has a mind of his own, and he's sure to say all manner of crazy things as you play through Contact. It certainly seems like he's up on his gaming news, though, doesn't it? I have heard that battles in Contact ARE based on actual battles which took place in space, though, so who knows."

Tomm confirmed the presence of crabs in the game, though didn't specify if they were of the "giant enemy" variety as commonly found in feudal Japan.

Though the many Marvel characters duking it out in Ultimate Alliance frequently find themselves doing somersaults, hurling punches and generally super-spazzing out, it's not an accurate expectation for the players of the game to perform similar feats. Speaking at the recently concluded Comic-Con, Activision's Chris Palmisano commented that the Wii version of the game would not have major changes implemented to its control system.

"The basic game controls like the camera and the movement and stuff like that -- you can do that on the Wii with left side in most cases. Then there are standard combo moves, which you can also do with the Wii controller." After this rather vague statement (do combo moves with the controller, you say?!), Palmisano goes on to curtail the level of input you might have expected from a Wii game. "I don't know how many games you're going to see where people are jumping around -- our game is an RPG so it's really hard to require that much physical energy to play a game for 30 hours."

Though we have yet to think of any Wii game that actively requires you to jump around, we suspect the lack of physical energy required to play Marvel: Ultimate Alliance is tied into a lack of mental energy when attempting to explain why your game will have a bog-standard control scheme. This is an issue that will come up again and again: a multi-platform game that fails to take advantage of the Wii's controller risks not only being surpassed by graphically superior versions (why buy the Wii version?), but the rest of the games in the Wii lineup (why buy this game that doesn't use my system fully?). Of course, shoehorning a game into an inappropriate controller scheme is just as undesirable, as is certainly the case with an action RPG largely built upon repetition. We'd rather just press the A-button, thanks.

It seems Japanese gamers are still maliciously toying with the original DS, kicking it to the bottom of the charts one week and hoisting it back up again the next. Shortages and a shifting focus to the Lite are likely to blame, but we can't help but picture a somewhat nervous and haggard DS Phat staring into a cracked mirror, contemplating whether people want him ... or just want him dead. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 140,858 8,596 (5.75%)
- PSP: 35,283 3,324 (10.40%)
- PS2: 23,927 595 (2.55%)
- DS Phat: 11,821 10,812 (1071.56%)
- GBA SP: 2,619 199 (7.06%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,581 202 (14.65%)
- Xbox 360: 1,105 505 (31.37%)
- Gamecube: 928 6 (0.64%)
- GBA: 28 8 (40.00%)
- Xbox: 10 3 (23.08%)

The PSP continues to do well this week (despite boasting only half as many screens as its main competitor) while the Xbox 360 takes a bit of a tumble. The latter system's fortunes continue to look glum in Japan, a situation that could easily be reversed by one ingenious move -- releasing the console in pink. What else have they got to lose?

[Source: Media Create]

There are times when reading the Japanese sales charts can be a decidedly odd and disturbing experience, as if your mind suddenly becomes aware that all is not right in the universe. Like a homicidal clown lurking in a dark corner, this week's situation is certainly amusing, but it's not something you want to come into contact with on a regular basis. It's just wrong. The ranking, according to number of units sold:


- DS Lite: 149,454 4,112 (2.68%)
- PSP: 31,959 6,024 (23.23%)
- PS2: 23,332 199 (0.86%)
- GBA SP: 2,818 101 (3.46%)
- Xbox 360: 1,610 287 (15.13%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,379 64 (4.44%)
- DS Phat: 1,009 2,495 (71.20%)
- Gamecube: 934 68 (6.79%)
- GBA: 20 3 (17.65%)
- Xbox: 13 5 (62.50%)

Looking at the opposite ends of the list is like glancing into the cackling face of madness (it bears a vague resemblance to Groucho Marx). The DS Lite endures a minor slip, its older sibling takes a complete fall down a set of stairs and the original Xbox experiences the biggest improvement percentage-wise out of the whole lot. Did we enter into some sort of zone where normal things don't happen very often?

[Source: Media Create]

Yesterday, we told you about a series of DS Lite demonstrations being held at various McDonald's joints in New York City. While some of you made the astute observation that the nearby Nintendo World Store made that sort of thing a bit redundant, it didn't stop one of our fellow bloggers, Andrew Yoon, from stopping by and shoving his camera into every available face. The fact that Mr. Yoon writes for PSP Fanboy will be conveniently glossed over.

He summed up the event as follows:

• "The DS guys aren't timely. They arrived half an hour late."
• "The games playable include New Super Mario Bros, Tetris DS, True Swing Golf, Brain Age and Big Brain Academy."
• "Every person that plays will get an iced coffee and cool (but useless) frisbee thing."
• "It seemed like a success: people asked, 'Where's the nearest Toys R Us?' so they can buy these suckers."
  
• "A mom seemed completely entranced by Tetris DS."

Entranced mothers could likely be taken as a good sign for Nintendo's ongoing Touch Generations campaign, and events such as these are a great way of grabbing the attentions of those who call every single gaming device "a Nintendo." More pictures follow in the second part of the post.

Continued →

If you live in or around New York City and have yet to part with your old DS in order to embrace the Lite, you may want to stop by a McDonald's in the next few days and try the system out for yourself. Several of the burger joints will have demo units to try out and, if you're lucky (or a rampant kleptomaniac), you might just walk away with a free iced coffee, a handful of Nintendo vouchers or even a DS Lite. These are the times and places you need to barge in:

Thursday, July 13, 2006

12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m.
McDonald's restaurant at:
220 West 42nd Street
New York, NY 10036

Friday, July 14th, 2006

12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m.
McDonald's restaurant at:
1560 Broadway
New York, NY 10036

4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.
McDonald's restaurant at:
427 10th Ave and 34th Street
New York, NY 10001

Wednesday, July 19th, 2006

12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m
McDonald's Restaurant at:
946 8th Ave and 56th Street
New York, NY 10019

Just be sure not to get your filthy hamburger grease all over the precious things.

[Thanks to Elicia Baker at MWW.]

Many would gladly offer up their lunch money for an opportunity to get their hands on the coveted black DS Lite, but unfortunately that simply isn't good enough for the Japanese and European schoolyard bullies tossing the sleek device back and forth over the head of a constantly leaping and visibly frustrated America. Nintendo of Japan's official website has been updated to reveal the Jet Black DS Lite which sees release this September, just a few months after Europe got the dark dual-screener.

Unless the Nintendo of America headquarters are equipped with cauldrons of bubbling oil and other defensive devices that deal with vehement rioters, it would seem likely that the darkest Lite won't dally too long before finally landing on North American shores. Rioters keen on seeing the Noble Pink variant, however, will likely have to wait a bit longer. Attacking Nintendo HQ astride unicorns and flinging colorful streamers at the walls has been shown to be decidedly less effective at stirring up interest -- trust us, we found out the hard way.

[Thanks creamsugar!]

And by "it", we of course refer to the cataclysmic tugging of the carpet that Nintendo so infamously performed when they quelled the Revolution (the what now?) and released the Wii. After Nintendo's powerful showing at E3, most people seem to have gotten used to saying the new name without breaking a sweat or breaking into laughter, content in knowing that the name means little in the face of a game like Super Mario Galaxy. The folks at CNET must not have played it, then.

In their "Worst Tech of Q2 2006" article, CNET reserves the ninth spot for the Wii, awarding it with "Worst name change." Their justification is short, noting that "'Nintendo Revolution' sounds cool. 'Nintendo Wii' sounds dumb. That's about all there is to say." Well, fair enough ... coming from a website that sounds like something you catch fish with! ZING!

On a more serious note, we also preferred the Revolution, but to put the name mame on the same list as Segway Polo and iPod imitations is just mean.

[Via VGGEN, thanks AssemblyLineHuman!]

A recent Famitsu scan seems to indicate that the obscenely colorful cast of Mario Hoops: 3 on 3 will be joined by a fluffy Final Fantasy favorite -- Moogle. Franchise crossovers are always amusing, though we thought that Square Enix would at least have the good sense to toss Quina Quen from Final Fantasy IX in there. We're convinced that Mario would rather have a freakish, grammatically challenged cook on his team as opposed to a little white creature that's probably a bit crap at playing basketball.

[Via 4CR]

This video depicts a supposedly makeshift camera (which, to be honest, looks a little scary) hooked up to a DS Lite and, thanks to some homebrewin' magic, it starts taking pictures. Barring the horrendous framerate, it seems like an amusing device with equally amusing future applications. The thought of taking a snapshot of someone's face, only to doodle on it with a stylus is pleasing in ways best left unmentioned. Still, there's every chance that it's an elaborate fake, with homebrew software merely displaying some images taken previously with a real camera.

It's hard to make a decision on the legitimacy based solely on this video, though we expect the homebrew crew to quickly show up and put things into focus. Either way, at least we got the whole "doodling on people's faces" imagery out of the deal.

[Thanks Nushio & MikeLacks!]

[Update 1: Check out the originating site here. Thanks David R!]