Rumor: The Duke to get his own DS title
by Chris Greenhough 
{ Apr 15th 2008 at 6:00PM }
Here's a rumor straight out of left field for you: gun-totin', cigar-chewin', misogynistic idiot Duke Nukem could be about to get his own DS (and PSP) game, with a release allegedly scheduled for later this year.That's according to one Dutch retailer, which claims that "Duke Nukem DS" is coming out at some point during Q3. Naturally, you'll all know about the great, big internet joke that is Duke Nukem Forever (a game that almost makes the existence of Sadness look plausible), so you can probably appreciate where we stand on this. In short: "do not believe." And "do not want" also, now that we think about it.
[Via Go Nintendo]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
phanboy_iv @ Apr 15th 2008 6:19PM
Well, I'm more like "do want, do not believe", but whatever.
Nigeria - MK: 0430-8491-9123 @ Apr 15th 2008 6:25PM
Damn, those alien bastards are gonna pay for shooting up my ride.
MIke @ Apr 15th 2008 6:51PM
oh come on, Duke 3D was some great gameing back in the day. They also made a pretty good unique game specifically for the Game Boy Advance. Have online Dukematch, and this game could be a blast.
Pie Pants @ Apr 15th 2008 7:22PM
Hmm, let's think about this for a second.
Port of Duke 3D with improved graphics and DS-specific controls. Online co-op and deathmatch (the original Duke3D featured modem co-op, for those who remember :P). Custom level editor (original Duke 3D had this as well).
Y'know, that could be a pretty damn good game.
I realise there's already a homebrew port of GP2x to the DS, but it's pretty much just a port - no online play and no control changes iirc.
Wilerson @ Apr 15th 2008 7:32PM
Come on, Duke Nukem Forever will be released. Chinese Democracy will be its soundtrack.
Aparoid @ Apr 15th 2008 7:51PM
I've got the DS homebrew port, but obviously it can't be much better than an "actual" game "in development".
Custom levels have always been a favorite of mine, and co-op could bring some fun times as well.
Andrew D. @ Apr 15th 2008 11:25PM
If this was a great port of Duke 3D with WiFi deathmatch, I would TOTALLY be all about this! Come on!
Being able to play Duke without tying up my parents phoneline! It would be difficult to imagine! (Plus the controls would be better suited for the DS since there was no mouse look back in the day!)
Chintz @ Apr 15th 2008 11:28PM
If it's true, it could be a good thing.
This should have happened much sooner though. 3D Realms really should have done more to keep the Duke Nukem franchise alive outside of their ongoing work on DNF. Do most gamers nowadays even know who Duke is?
Henley @ Apr 16th 2008 2:27AM
ah that article was posted in year 2006 correct me if im wrong is it not 2008? How is that news relevant to now?
atastysammich @ Apr 16th 2008 3:25AM
Thanks for getting my hopes up for a Freezepop game. :/
racingfreak92 @ Apr 16th 2008 5:55AM
Do not want? What? Duke Nukem 3D is an amazing game, if it came out i would buy it in a second
Igmolicious @ Apr 16th 2008 8:40AM
Well, in all honesty, I think the REAL reason we all played this game in our youth was the strippers. Let's not play coy here, folks.
phanboy_iv @ Apr 16th 2008 2:07PM
Speak for yourself, you sicko. I played it for the wanton violence.
Fululian @ Apr 16th 2008 10:36AM
You may never call the Duke an "idiot". He's just been watching quite e few movies. I still have to shake the hands of the now-granpa designers of 1996's Duke.
hvnlysoldr @ Apr 16th 2008 2:10PM
"I kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of gum."
Captain Falcon is 9000 times manlier than Duke:
The camera shows Captain Falcon many miles above the stage, falling at a rapid speed, while playing a flaming guitar with his teeth. He gets bored and throws the guitar at a nearby mountain, causing the mountain to explode. Only instead of debris, pornography comes flying out of the explosion, which Captain Falcon looks at while eating raw meat, drinking beer, and flexing his biceps.
He gets bored with the pornography, so he destroys it all with his chest hair, which he can grow at will. He finishes his raw meat and beer, so he eats the beer glass, like a real man. He still has quite a long way to go before he crashes into the stage, so he starts striking manly poses, while shooting bullets out of his iron nipples. These bullets explode upon impact with the ground, launching a flaming truck into the air, straight towards Captain Falcon, who slices it in half before it can reach him with the force created by him flexing his pecks.
As he passes the gas tank, which became detached, he falcon punches it causing it to explode with the force of a nuclear warhead. This propels Captain Falcon towards the stage at an incredible speed.
Captain Falcon crashes into the stage with a pelvic thrust, done at near the speed of light. He climbs out of the crater he created, and flexes every muscle in his body at the same time. The incredible force created by this kills everyone within a 500 mile radius, and every female in the universe climaxes.