'They don't call me Gina Vasquez for nothing!'
by JC Fletcher 
{ Nov 7th 2007 at 9:50AM }
Activision's Spanish For Everyone may not be as inclusive as the title may make it sound. There are a lot of people, in fact, who may fall outside the category of "everyone" that this game purports to be for. Allow us to describe the introduction of the game: Miguel asks to play with his friend Shawn's (brother's) DS for a minute, just as Miguel's father pulls up in a limousine and informs him that it's time to go. The car pulls out before Miguel can return the DS, headed straight to Mexico and trailed by two police cars. Shawn's aunt, a taxi driver, pulls up and offers to drop him off in Tijuana, and to help him learn Spanish along the way. She tells him "They don't call me Gina Vasquez for nothing! I can teach you many things, and Spanish is definitely one of them!"
If that offends you, the game's not for you. If the fact that this sequence was depicted in CD-I Zelda-level art bothers you, the game's not for you. If you don't trust a language training game whose English text is rife with errors, you are just not a member of the "Everyone" that Activision is after. You should be proud.
Activision should be proud too. They've created a series of ridiculous videos that's bound for Internet memedom. The story continues after the break (Spanish For Everyone spoilers ahead)!
Once across the border, Gina instructs Shawn to get in the back of a truck that she thinks looks similar to a truck she remembers Shawn's grandfather owning. The truck bed also contains a bull. Luckily for Shawn, the bull identifies Shawn as a hero of prophecy, and decides to teach him Spanish rather than goring him. At this point it is pretty clear that Shawn will never see his DS or his home again. He may end up learning Spanish, so the ends justify the means.
With his bull friend about to go bravely to his death, Shawn decides to hitch a ride with ... some shady-looking guy!
[Via NeoGAF]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
JodyAnthony @ Nov 7th 2007 10:07AM
I don't know about anyone else, but I am buying this game.
Craig @ Nov 7th 2007 10:36AM
Well apparently Shawn knows his uncle (Tio) Juan. Man, he sure seems to run into his VERY extended family at the most opportune/random times.
Oh well - Jeeps are cool!
AlgusUnderdunk @ Nov 7th 2007 12:34PM
...I want this game...
I can't wait to see how much Spanish you learn in the chapter where Shawn is used as a coke mule.
JM @ Nov 7th 2007 2:06PM
Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome. I am pretty fluent in Spanish, so I wasn't going to pick this one up, but maybe I'll give it a try.
Brello @ Nov 7th 2007 2:07PM
That was painful to watch.
KaBob799 @ Nov 8th 2007 10:31PM
Jeeps are cool!
Ethan @ Nov 7th 2007 4:57PM
Fucking thieving gringos (waves fist).
Anyway, maybe this will be a beautiful fruition of the road trip game. I've envisioned some sort of Hotel Dusk sequel thus.
Ethan @ Nov 7th 2007 4:59PM
Oh crap, other way around. Thieving... Hispanics?
DSgirl @ Nov 7th 2007 8:26PM
Awww the videos don't work :(
L @ Nov 7th 2007 9:59PM
Anyone get the vibe that Gina Vasquez is going to molest that little boy?
DSgirl @ Nov 7th 2007 8:46PM
Well now it looks like they're working? Ok then heh
Anth @ Nov 7th 2007 10:19PM
@L:
Yes, I think she wants to "teach" him a few things. None of which are appropriate to post here.
Nacho @ Nov 7th 2007 10:44PM
Er... I guess as a latin american, I should be VERY offended by this game, but it's just too funny... did you know that "La Zorra" means, roughly, "the bitch" in mexican slang? It's just too outlandish... "He's the only man around here that can afford a limousine"? Just - awesome.
Next time I'm at the nintendo-tienda, I'm gonna steal this game, ese... don't you know I'm loco?
Will @ Nov 7th 2007 11:00PM
La Zorra=Lady with 'loose' values i.e. street walker.
PantherAttack @ Nov 7th 2007 11:23PM
This game looks awesome.
Andy in TX @ Nov 8th 2007 12:02AM
Gina Vasquez=Vagina Squez. I can't believe this is for real. Seriously. But I love it. Hopefully it comes out for MAME eventually.
icupnimpn2 @ Nov 8th 2007 1:13AM
The cutscenes have a strange magnetic pull. However, the actual "game" is the weakest piece of crap I have ever played. Hangman. Wordsearch. Memory. Do those sound like rockin' fun to you? Are you a second grader?
Avoid this game. It is useless even for teaching a language. Sure it may feature 6000 words, but not multiple versions of words or any sort of grammatical context. If you solve spanish hangman, they'll tell you what the word means in english. If you don't solve it, you don't even get to know wtf you were guessing letters for.
Totally useless.
Psychotic Ape @ Nov 8th 2007 2:01AM
I learnt a lot of things from this game:
-Gina is a prostitute come taxi driver.
-The stranger is a boy mincing pervert, and jeeps are cool so children should do anything someone standing next to a jeep tells them to do.
-the talking bull speaks of a red devil, who we can only assume is either the truck or the mattador?
-Mexicans run from the cops and drive limos, and lastly..
-Miguel is a f**king thief!
phil @ Nov 8th 2007 10:31PM
Jeeps are cool!
KaBob799 @ Nov 8th 2007 10:32PM
Woah thats weird
Mike @ Nov 9th 2007 2:06AM
i should be offended, but....
1.your auntie is a very respectable woman.
su ta es una puta.
2.your grandfather has a talking sooth-saying bull.
su abuelo tiene un toro loco.
3.your uncle is a nice fellow.
su to es pervertido.
bien
John Wayne @ Nov 9th 2007 7:45PM
"If you don't trust a language training game whose English text is rife with errors, you are just not a member of the "Everyone" that Activision is after."
Ironic.
The Dude @ Nov 10th 2007 12:28AM
So this theme is only acceptable in tv shows and movies, not video games? I'll keep that in mind.
CoMutiny @ Nov 19th 2007 6:58AM
If you watch the ending (you can view it through related videos) Not only do hundreds of suspicious looking cars appear at the house, the boy is sent with "Puffy Dolls" to france? What in the name of holy fuck? Too funny.
JEEPS ARE COOL!
doom saber @ Jan 8th 2008 2:39PM
Also, during the credits, you hear "Fireworks," caused by the ppl who drove up to Miguel's house.