Wii Warm Up: A graceful taunt ...

by Eric Caoili { Sep 19th 2007 at 9:00AM }

... is worth a thousand insults.

As soon as we saw the inclusion of customizable taunts in yesterday's WiFi-tastic Smash Bros. Dojo update, we started drafting up the four jeers that we'll be arming ourselves with when the game comes out. We quickly dismissed the mundane ("U GOT PWND LULZ"), instead investigating ideas more ridiculous ("It's over 9000!") and annoying (Spamming, "Hi, I'm Daisy!" while playing as the brunette princess.).

What put-downs are you planning to use to demoralize your friends? We've already decided on the four bits of scurrilous text that we're going to map to our D-pads: "so much depends upon," "a red wheel barrow," "glazed with rain water," and "beside the white chickens." That's right, we're going to drop poetry on you suckas.

Tags: dojo, smash-bros-brawl, smashbrosbrawl, ssbb, taunt

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

David Hinkle @ Sep 19th 2007 9:12AM

Hahahaha, "Lair controls great!" is too damn good.

THRILLHO @ Sep 19th 2007 9:16AM

i dont get how you can use the taunts with all the control schemes, like the gc controller and only the wii remote...

Paul @ Sep 19th 2007 9:21AM

1) Lair Controls Great!
2) Penis.
3) Haha. 0wnz0r3d.
4) Nevermore...

Paul @ Sep 19th 2007 9:21AM

Thank you, David, very proud of my "lair controls"...obviously a sony exec will be using that one...

mobilesworking @ Sep 19th 2007 9:27AM

Wii-liam Carlos Wii-liams. Yeah, I went there.

Valien @ Sep 19th 2007 9:40AM

You Killed
My Father
Prepare
To Die

knot_U @ Sep 19th 2007 10:03AM

"She's not a CHRISTIAN!!!"

knot_U

troy @ Sep 19th 2007 10:04AM

I'm the type of guy what changes things like that all the time. I think I would start out with...

1) Hey! Read This Quick!
2) We Are FIGHTING!
3) You've Been Practicing!
4) Pressing Down Button Now!

guttertalk @ Sep 19th 2007 10:08AM

Poetry taunts? Some Shakespeare then . . . .

I do desire we may be better strangers.

You basket-hilt stale juggler, you!

Thou unnecessary letter!

Castilian King Urinal!

Thou lump of foul deformity!

Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.

Don Day @ Sep 19th 2007 10:13AM

1. Give me some sugar baby!
2. Groovy!
3. Good, bad, I'm the guy with the the pokeball.
4. Come get some!

Danny @ Sep 19th 2007 10:15AM

My first one will be U R MR GAY.

troy @ Sep 19th 2007 10:16AM

How long can these taunts be? Surely some of those from William are too long.

"Your taunts suck" will be my newest taunt.

1) "Your Taunts Suck"
2) "Yawn. Still Talking?"
3) "I think YOU'RE a douche!"
4) "You may have hit me NOW..."

Azar @ Sep 19th 2007 10:28AM

I wrote an essay about that poem last year. That's deep stuff to throw on somebody. Brawl is practically screaming for a headset, though.

Muffinius @ Sep 19th 2007 10:32AM

1. WRYYYYYY
2.Do a barrel roll!
3.Get off my lawn!
4.To the death!

vidGuy @ Sep 19th 2007 11:07AM

Is anybody else concerned that these bubbles will cover up and hide areas of the screen? I might create a spam taunt of max characters so that I can use it as a strategic advantage...

haman @ Sep 19th 2007 11:08AM

1- yint.
2- all day!!!
3- i'm a machine, gene!
4- i'm built for this, son!

James @ Sep 19th 2007 12:05PM

Do they mention how you'll do taunts if you use the "wiimote only" control scheme?

Is that still an option?

Matt @ Sep 19th 2007 12:22PM

#1 - "Well excuse me, princess!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM

No.7 @ Sep 19th 2007 12:36PM

1- is that the best u can do?
2- im sorry... did that hurt?
3- hahahaha
4- mess with the best, u die like the rest

hahaha..., and some other stuff that are sure to piss my friends off.

Jay @ Sep 19th 2007 12:42PM

LOL @ "U R MR GAY"

I am Error!
SPOOOON!!!
"..."

BluClouds7 @ Sep 19th 2007 2:17PM

"Theres something wrong with the G-Diffuser!" - when i kill fox

"this is too easy..." - Dan from Killer 7

"I AM ERROR"

"BEEEEEEAAAAAWWW!"

chiki @ Sep 19th 2007 2:19PM

- asl
- f/13/lvegas
- i take off my cloak and wizards hat
- n3g

thebigL @ Sep 19th 2007 2:56PM

1.Finish the Fight
2.Beleive in a Hero
3.Nintendo Games > 3rd party games
4.Wii NEED online FPS
5.Nintendo doesn't care about gamers -kayne west
6.I'm buying a 360 and playing halo before I play this game

Zan @ Sep 19th 2007 3:36PM

BUTTSECKS KIRBYS! (>^_^)>(>O.o)>

Donald @ Sep 19th 2007 3:59PM

What is a man
A miserable
Little Pile
Of Secrets

No room for "Have at you!", sadly.

Andrew @ Sep 19th 2007 4:12PM

Do the Mario.

My Wang

Your mom

MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

*Teabags*

Author X @ Sep 19th 2007 4:29PM

Some of these are pretty awesome...
Some other ideas:
"OBJECTION!"
"HOLD IT!"
"TAKE THAT!"
"...in America!" ( http://www.yugiohtheabridgedseries.com )

My map will probably look something like this, though:

Up: Curse you,
Left: Take that,
Right: Archetypal 1980's
Down: Cartoon Hero!

Useful for both curses and gloating! Of course, it would work even better against, say, one of the Marios or Link or the Princesses.

badboy007ing @ Sep 19th 2007 4:32PM

#1-im sorry try again
#2-just warming up
#3-my bad
#4-where is he

LAZoftheTamarinds @ Sep 19th 2007 5:19PM

1. Do a barrel roll.
2. IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER! or SHOOP DA WHOOP!
3. While you're reading this I will hit you.
4. Really I can haz cheeseburger
5. Snape kills DUMBLEDORE!
6. hi.

Mr Khan @ Sep 19th 2007 5:50PM

Bantha Poodoo

Buy Pokemon Battle Revolution (this phrase infuriates a friend of mine)

Cherry Blossom (from the last Eureka 7 theme)

You just got killed by Kirby

Croove55 @ Sep 19th 2007 6:55PM

Heh, looks like I was wrong about everyone making final destination taunts.

#1: CC, plz
#2: *pelvic thrust*
#3: O shi-
#4: IT'S A TRAP!

I can see those coming in handy.

Croove55 @ Sep 19th 2007 8:07PM

I am Croove55, ender of topics.

spazzook @ Sep 19th 2007 8:19PM

1. you know where you are?
2. your in the jungle babe
3. TIME TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4.

FlimFlammy @ Sep 19th 2007 8:51PM

1) This is SPARTA (when you hit them off the edge)
2) Im the god-damn Batman (after an aerial downward attack)
3) Hi, I'm Daisy (ultimate annoyance)
4) Read a book "____" (fill in blank with derogatory name for African Americans)

iofthestorm @ Sep 19th 2007 8:52PM

1. Press Z or R to do a Barrel Roll! (sure to cause confusion as noobs scramble to find an R button on their Wii Remote)
2. It's just a flesh wound.
3. ...
4. BOOM HEADSHOT!

DBuck_Eye @ Sep 19th 2007 9:55PM

1. Lick my balls.
2. Suck it 'natch.
3. the MeSSIyah will rise again.
4. Why not.

Nman55 @ Sep 19th 2007 10:17PM

UP - "Yo momma told me to give you this!"
DOWN - "I'll pwn your face."
LEFT - "You're a bigger loser than I am."
RIGHT - "Get off my stage sucka."

Mike @ Sep 19th 2007 11:40PM

Haha, I love the Mortal Kombat reference (let's see how many people figure this out)! Yo, have we all forgotten the classic: p0ned!

Sean W. @ Sep 20th 2007 3:53AM

Okay lesse...

1. SUPRISE COCKFAGS!
2. THIS IS CAKE TOWN!
3. HABEEB IT!
4. SENTCHAAAA!
5a. Did you
5b. get that
5c. thing I
5d. sentcha
6. Hahaha! Cookies on dowels.
7. Hahaha! Paunch.
8. Hahaha! Barrel Roll.
9. Hahaha! Bang.
10. Hahaha! Not to scale.
11. WELL WASN'T THAT THE BEE'S KNEES?
12. LOOKIT ME! 'M-HAWT!
13. DROPPIN' Bs ON 'EM!
14. YOU'RE A LITTLE LOW ON AIR!
15. That's Mama Luigi to you Mario! *Wheeze*