Don't lie, faithful readers. Each and every one of you, upon reading this article, indulged in at least four seconds of consideration on applying for the position of Reggie Fils-Aime's personal assistant. The list of technical requirements was steep, but when you consider the amount of people willing to take this job is approximately 6.5 billion, there are certainly a few out there who fit the bill.

Reggie personally kicks all those asses that are so frequently mentioned. But those names he's taken? He merely dictates them to that special person, whose job it is to transcribe the taken names for future reference. Truly, a job of monumental importance.

A little known fact, friends, is that Reggie has a direct impact on the Japanese hardware sales numbers every week. Here is an example conversation, heard behind the closed doors of his secret penthouse office...

Reggie Fils-Aime: We need to come up with some interesting numbers this week.

Assistant: Sir, they have the actual data available in Japan, if we just--

Reggie: Silence!

Assistant: ...

Reggie: ...

Assistant: If you wan--

Reggie then rips out the assistant's spine in retribution.

- DS Lite: 146,073 48,453 (24.91%)
- Wii: 65,740 18,014 (21.51%)
- PSP: 31,216 4,484 (12.56%)
- PS2: 18,727 1,269 (6.35%)
- PS3: 17,540 3,455 (16.46%)
- Xbox 360: 6,130 1,235 (16.77%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,050 127 (10.79%)
- GBA SP: 724 299 (29.23%)
- Gamecube: 306 41 (11.82%)
- DS Phat: 119 37 (45.12%)
- GBA: 28 6 (17.65%)

[Source: Media Create]