Japanese Hardware Sales: 8 Jan - 14 Jan: Turnabout edition [update 2]

by Jason Wishnov { Jan 19th 2007 at 11:00PM }

[Update 2: Date mix-up!]

Judge - Court is now in session. Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement.

Edgeworth - My case is simple. I shall prove that the defendant, the Nintendo Wii, is guilty beyond any reasonable doubt. His abject sabotage and subsequent murder of the DS Lite is immediately evident to those of us not blinded by a foolish, persistent belief in their clients.

Judge - And Mr. Wright?

Phoenix - He's ... wait, what did he say?

Maya - C'mon, Nick! Pay attention!

Judge - Mr. Edgeworth, you may call your first witness.

Objection!

Judge - ...

Phoenix - ...

Judge - Overruled.

Phoenix - Sunnuva ... !

Edgeworth - Mr. Takinawa, please give us your testimony.

Takinawa - 実際にこのテキストを翻訳したら、私は生命を得る必要性考える.

Takinawa - これらの版はより不可解、により不可解になっているか.

Takinawa - トマトはなぜ赤を回したか。彼はドレッシングを見た!

Phoenix - Um ... did anyone understand that?

Objection!

Phoenix - (There must be a contradiction here somewhere. I just have to think outside the box!)

Maya - Why don't you check the Court Record, Nick?

Phoenix - Why the hell do you keep calling me Nick? My name is Phoenix, you freaking idiot.

Judge - Well, Mr. Wright, if you can find no evidence to disprove Mr. Takinawa's claims, I'm afraid this case is open and shut. Therefore, I must proclaim the defendant ...

Phoenix - ...

Judge - I'm about to declare that the Wii is ...!

Phoenix - ...

Judge - Seriously, you're not going to stop me? All right, the Wii is most definitely --!

Objection!

Objection!

Phoenix - Clearly, the DS Lite could not have been the culprit. Thus, the only other possibility ... Spanish conquistadors!

Maya - My sworn enemies!

Phoenix - No, no. You are not a Mayan, dammit. Do you even have a fully-functioning brain?

Maya - I'm going to channel Thor and kick your ass, man.

Phoenix - Well, I guess that just about wraps things up here. And remind to to kill whoever keeps showering this entire courtroom with confetti every time I win.

- Wii: 93,708